Why I love Socialism

(Originally posted here)

Our mai-baap sarkaar has decided in all its generosity that cricket matches are of national importance and therefore their feed has to be shared with Prasar Bharati. Although the ordinance does not mention it, it is understood that private broadcasters who have spent gazillion rupees and/or mortgaged their souls to acquire those rights, can go and clean the attic. Predictably this move has raised hackles of certain overfed and heartless capitalists. I am aghast at this reaction to say the least, and will try my best to explain to these nattering nabobs of negativism and gullible discernible readers that how, not only the decision taken by the government is in right direction, but also how much needs to be done to achieve the goal of social justice through other's money.

First, it should be obvious how telecast of cricket matches is of national importance. Think hard, how many areas are there where India can boast to be among top ten nation. I am afraid not many*. Granted we are the second most populous nation, but if any attempt was made to telecast the hard work behind this accomplishment it will shatter the innocence of Indians, which is unacceptable. Then there is poverty and hunger, however except for art film circuit, there is not much of market for this. This leaves, yes, cricket. Since independence, while our fortunes have waxed and waned, Indian cricket team is consistently rated among top ten teams (the fact that at most there are seven cricket playing nations is a matter of detail and irrelevant to discussion**). Now it is not hard to see for a nation which is remarkable for its paucity of significant achievement, to rescue the populace from throes of depression and futility is of utmost importance and hence it is imperative to treat cricket matches as a matter of national importance. In fact, I would like our socialist overlords to go further and declare watching cricket matches a fundamental right*** and also pass a legislation which either a) outlaws any team from thrashing boys in corporate logos or failing which b) restricts cricket to glorious state of Vatican besides India.

Now in case even this has not convinced you, you are a free market fundamentalist and need therapy, but as "the" crusader of secularism (and scourge of right wingers) **** brilliantly argued, in a democracy it is public which is the ultimate authority, and I am confident that in any public opinion conducted by pliable reliable psephologists will unambiguously confirm that cricket takes precedence over trivial matters such as terrorism. Now is the right time to go to therapy.

There is also an economic aspect; a typical cricket match lasts more than five hours, considering the hectic schedule of Indian cricket team this means more than four hundred hours per year. If the telecast is not made mandatory, there will a sudden spike in productivity of Indian workers resulting in a decrease in wages, which will just aggravate the poor, especially the children*****. Which raises an important question, Is the final aim of free market increasing misery, and how does it tie with second law of entropy? I can detect one or two thesis here, but I digress.

To continue on the topic, the decision taken by the government is not enough .To increase the gross idiocy index of nation (and to make capitalists go clean the attic), it is important that scope of this program be broadened. For example it is obvious that cricket matches are male centric, this clearly is a discrimination against women who are deprived of their right to watch intrigues of Kketakis and Kkomalikas. To ensure equality therefore, government should pass a law whereby Balaji Telefilms will have to share all its serials with Prasar Bharati, same goes for Indian Idol, KBC, and any lurid, inane or content free offering. For too long Indians have suffered under yoke of mundane reality, but no more, the "common man" will rise and claim what is his birthright, i.e. right to remain stupid. Unite my fellow Indians for you have nothing to lose but common sense , which anyway is not required when government and bureaucrats are there to decide (with considerable effort I may add), what is good for us.

* What about kabaddi ? Why do you like a game where hirsute men grapple with each other in state of undress? Are you sure we want to go down that road?

** Now don't claim there are 8.45 cricket playing nation, I stopped watching cricket after 200 BC when Spartans lost to Athens. To be fair, Spartans felt ridiculously overdressed.

*** I will go further and suggest watching cricket as a fundamental duty of Indian citizen.

**** I am not disclosing his name, but he has been acclaimed as Hrithik Roshan of Indian blogdom

***** This can be a book by Dinesh D'Souza "Why Libertarians hate children? (And steal their puppies)", a sequel to His insightful critique of American liberals